Go Ask Alice, When She's Ten Feet Tall!

Go Ask Alice, When She's Ten Feet Tall!

It's a Hot Topic store's wet dream. No worries about any sort of resession, we have a Tim Burton movie coming down the line. Hundreds of Hot Topic jobs will be saved now! Even before pictures were released today, I'm sure the company had a slew of t-shirts already ready to get printed up. Now their job will be a little easier as today they released some official character pictures and some concept art through USA article.



The surprising thing is that the film will be somewhat of a sequel to Disney's original animated film, while still being a direct adaptation of Lewis Carrol's work. Which is a bit confusing, but sure, why not. So what's this all about? The break down

The traditional tale has been freshened with a blast of girl power, courtesy of writer Linda Woolverton (Beauty and the Beast). Alice, 17, attends a party at a Victorian estate only to find she is about to be proposed to in front of hundreds of snooty society types. Off she runs, following a white rabbit into a hole and ending up in Wonderland, a place she visited 10 years before yet doesn't remember.

While I'm sort of an Alice purist, going so far as having a lot of copies of the original for no real reason, I did love the American McGee's game for all it was worth. I played the shit out of that game. So maybe that's why I have hope for the films as well. I mean, as long as it's full of drug references and logic puzzles, I'll be happy.

Now of course it's Tim Burton, so it could be total shit. His recent films have ranged from Okay to Awful. So maybe he's going to need a little help from his friends to make sure this isn't the on again/off again Burton film. Because really, this film should change the name to Tim Burton Presents: "Cast All Your Friends"

Returning Burton actor and fan favorite of all tweens for the last 30 years we have Johnny Depp as The Mad Hatter


Is it me or does he look a bit like Elijah Wood in drag? I dunno. Just saying. I'm a bit worried about Depp. I'm concerned that Tim Burton is going to try to beef up the role of the Hatter so he can please all the Depp/Hatter fan dipshits out there who walk around Disney in that large Mad Hatter Hats. While I'm a fan of Johnny Depp from way back in the day when he was a narc at the local High school, I don't want the Hatter running Mad on the story.

Helena Bonham-Carter as The Red Queen

Wow. They actually enlarged her head to make her look like the original drawings. That's an interesting twist to it. I mean, I guess she's used to having a little bit of a big head.. she is sleeping with the director. Rim shot! Oooh yeah.

Then we get to an actress that I have a crush on for I don't know how long. Anne Hathaway is just really pretty. What can I say, but she shows up in this as The White Queen.


I like the design of the Queen of Hearts better than the White Queen, who just looks like Galadriel meets Jadis or something. She's too bright. I mean, this is a Tim Burton movie, right? Oh who am I kidding, I'm madly in love with Anne Hathaway that I watched The Devil Wears Prada (be it free on the lot) because she was in it. But I'm not certain she makes a good White Queen. Besides that, Carol Channing is the only real White Queen


Moving on to the rest of the cast for this film. We have Stephen Fry playing a wide grinning cat as well as Christopher Lee in the mix making things nice. Then you have the real gem of all this, Alan Rickman. Yes, that's right. Alan Rickman is in it. Though I would have liked to see him as the Mad Hatter instead but him as the Cattapiller works out alright. If there's someone I'd watch a movie for, it's Alan Rickman. The man can act. Though none of this goes against my statement that this is just Burton's usual cast of actors, perhaps we should move on to the score.

And if you're asking who's going to compose the music... Well then, you're not a Tim Burton fan. With the cast being so many friends of his, I'm sure we can already guess who will be doing the score for this. Which isn't a bad thing. I'm a long time fan of Oingo Boingo. Was even there for the farewell Halloween tour. But maybe it's time to get someone different?



It's CREEPY... but WHIMSICAL! Oh, Tim Burton, how I'd love to kick you in the nads and then give you a hug and ask for your autograph on my Nightmare Before Christmas Jack Skellington doll. Because we all know that Nightmare Before Christmas is a great movie but it was directed by Henry Selick.

Now, I actually got the chance to get on the set of the film on Sony's lot a bit ago. It was a strange experience. A little behind the scenes piece of information though, when you're on the set of something, it looks a lot different than when you see it on screen. Consider it a piece of movie magic. Sets, while huge in size, are only 1/10th the actual crispness and beauty they are on the big screen. Colors come to life with the use of computer manipulated software and of course, you're only seeing a fraction of the actual action taking place.



Much the same as when I worked on Arrested Development. While I would hear plot points and see where the story was going, watching it on tv all pieced together was a whole lot funnier. As if I was looking at a lot of puzzle pieces scattered on the floor and then see what they make up when they're finally put altogether. So my time on the Alice set, while weird and filled with wonderment, was also not as clear as seeing this new information on the film online.

Tim Burton is going to have to take it up a notch in making this his usual weirdness. Considering we already have Svankmajer's version of Alice in Wonderland, it's going to take a lot to really make this story weird.



But hey, if you want a dark and edgy version of Alice in Wonderland right now and complete with pedophilia undertones, just watch Svankmajer's version. That was an acid trip without having to wake up in a cardboard box the next morning.



But hey, Tim Burton should be able to make a new version of the film that takes place 10 years after the cartoon while also making it good and not at all like Return to Oz, right? Right? I mean, I like the concept sketches mainly because those feel very in line with both the original Disney film and the works of Lewis Carrol. Besides, this can't be as bad as Planet of the Apes, right? Right?

If you'll excuse me, I'm running late for an important date!